


Understanding

by mggislife2789



Category: Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Medication, Schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 10:26:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8158852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: A request from someone about Spencer and the reader, where the reader has schizophrenia, and is afraid to confide in Spencer, her best friend.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	

You’ve best friends since graduate school - why didn’t you want him to know? You weren’t sure why - he of all people would understand. Maybe that was the reason. His mother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and although you knew he loved his mother dearly, possibly more than anyone else in the world, there was always a touch of pity in his voice when he talked about her. You didn’t want that for yourself. 

Plus, you were on a strict regiment of medication that kept your disorder in check, so there was really no need to tell him. Your symptoms were mostly the “negative” ones, things that took away from your personality, like extreme apathy, emotional unresponsiveness and social withdrawal, rather than the “positive” ones, things that added to your personality, such as the delusions and hallucinations that were most commonly associated with schizophrenia. You just didn’t want the information to change your relationship with Spencer. Besides the secret of your disorder, you told him everything and you didn’t want to lose that. Although you felt like there was a major part of your life you were keeping from your best friend, you couldn’t risk changing the dynamic of your relationship - so you kept quiet. 

\-------------------

Y/N was the only person in the world he could tell anything to, so originally, the idea that she was hiding something from him kind of hurt, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized it didn’t matter. It wasn’t about him - it was about her, and he was perfectly fine with waiting until she felt comfortable enough to talk about it. Whatever it was, he loved her regardless and if one day she felt like telling him, then he’d be there to listen.

When Spencer figured out what it was, he was surprised she hadn’t told him. He remembered going over to her apartment for pizza and a movie and excusing himself to go to the bathroom. When he was washing his hands, a bottle of medication fell out of the medicine cabinet. Not wanting to leave a mess behind, he bent to the floor to pick up the bottle and caught sight of the medication: Seroquel. It was used to treat people with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. His mother had been on it for a time.

At that point, so many things made sense. There was a time in college that she withdrew, severely, to the point where it worried him - and yet weeks after that, her mood went back to her normal mood; she must have changed her medication. The sometimes forced emotions he would notice made more sense. She was trying to act against her disorder - to blend in more.

He returned the bottle to the cabinet and returned to the couch, where Y/N was waiting for him to start the movie. He acted as if it was nothing. It was nothing, but it was also everything. Whenever she decided to tell him, he’d tell her it made no difference to him.

\-------------------

Two months later.

Yours and Spencer’s favorite show was returning tonight, so you invited him over for the premiere, as well as Thai food - his favorite. With the uptick in medication, you were feeling really good lately. It felt nice - to feel comfortable in your own skin. You wanted to keep it that way, so you excused yourself to go take your medication, but you had forgotten a glass of water on your way in, so you took the pills outside and reached for a glass from the cabinet.

That was when Spencer looked your way. “Just have to take a couple of pills. I’ve got a bit of a headache,” you said, forcing a laugh that sounded false even to you.

He hesitated. Could he tell you were lying?

“Y/N...” he paused again, “Y/N, I saw the medication you were taking. It fell out of your cabinet a couple of months ago.” The sheer look of panic portrayed on your face made the rest of what he was going to say fall out of his mouth at a rapid pace. He did look slightly hurt, but more comforting than anything. “I don’t know why you thought you couldn’t tell me, but I don’t think of you any differently.”

Your heart was racing. You couldn’t get a hold on what you were feeling at the moment - it was a mix of nausea, relief, panic and something else, although you weren’t sure what that something else was. “Really?” you questioned, looking down at your feet. 

“Of course, Y/N, you’re my best friend and my mother has it, so why wouldn’t I understand?”

You continued, trying to explain your reasoning as best you could. “It’s not that I didn’t think you’d understand, Spence...it’s just...I know you love your mother dearly, but I also know you pity her...” you looked up at him and saw a look of acknowledgement on his face, like he knew what you were going to say, “and I didn’t want you to pity me.”

“Y/N,” he started again, but you cut him off, needing to get your thoughts out in the open, now that the cat was out of the bag.

“I’ve just worked so hard to get where I am now, both in my job and in my life... and in my relationships. When I was younger, I would’ve laughed at anyone who said I’d have a best friend like you - and I didn’t want you to look at me differently and then have it change our relationship. I didn’t have you in my life when I was younger, but I can’t imagine it without you now.”

Spencer rose from the couch, walked over to you, and put his arms around you, pulling you into a bear hug that almost made you cry. He wasn’t a hugger - it was a germ thing, so him hugging you was a big deal.

“You are and will always be my best friend, Y/N,” Spencer said, pushing the hair back from your face, “Your disorder doesn’t change that at all.” You looked down at the floor again, hesitant to believe that it was just that simple.

Spencer picked up your chin with his hand, “I know what you’re thinking, Y/N, it really is that simple. I just want you to know that, going forward, you can tell me anything you want or need to tell me without fear of judgment. That’s why I’m here.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t confide in you, Spence,” you replied, feeling a weight being lifted that you didn’t realize was there.

“Don’t be. You were scared. I get that. Remember, I know what it’s like to be afraid of your own mind,” he reiterated. A statement you had heard from him many times before.

With that, his demeanor changed back to what you were used to, “Now, are we gonna get our pizza and sit down on the couch because we’ve got about three minutes until the show comes back on.”

You stood up on your tiptoes and to give him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek, “Yea, let’s do that. Thank you, Spence.”

The rest of the night proceeded as if nothing was different, except everything was. There was an air about the room that was much lighter than before. Confiding in Spencer was quite possibly the best decision you ever made - you just couldn’t believe you hadn’t done it before. Not everyone was so lucky to have someone in their life that understood them like Spencer understood you.


End file.
